I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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