help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
