Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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