So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
