he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
