i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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