Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
