if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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