she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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