This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
