EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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