My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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