lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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