Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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