I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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