Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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