I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
