Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have fence marks all over my body
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
