so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
