That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
