My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
