No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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