i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
