Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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