Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
