R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
