god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
