i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
