So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
