so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
