I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
