yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
