How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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