dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
