someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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