He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
