we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
