you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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