I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
