He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
