I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
