where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You pole danced in your parka.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
