Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
