I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
