So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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