i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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