Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
