its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
