I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
