You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Randomize
