Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
