We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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