I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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