laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
