Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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