Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
